The Promise
John and Gisselle were madly in love. They were a picture perfect couple who did everything together, including planning out their entire life. They lived together in an apartment in New York and they both loved the outdoors. They enjoyed the outdoors so much that they made a promise to each other that once they had the money to do so, they would move out to the country and live a life on the open plains. In New York, Gisselle was unemployed and stayed at home to care after the apartment and John as well. John was a director for a big time company in New York and makes enough money to easily care for Gisselle and himself.
Lately Gisselle noticed that John had been spending an unusual amount of time at work after-hours. John had to always re assure Gisselle that him staying late at work was all for her and their future together on the farm. Gisselle naturally felt she was over reacting in her thoughts and she continuously suppressed her curiosities and anxieties until the lies she was telling herself became facts.
One day, as John was coming home from work he left his briefcase by the front door of the apartment. Gisselle noticed the briefcase by the door and how it was not closed all the way. She picked up the briefcase and noticed a post card from one of John's friends from Kansas. What she paid close attention to was the signature. The postcard was signed "Love always, Rebecca xoxo". Infuriated, Gisselle storms into the kitchen where John is sitting with a cup of coffee and his newspaper. "John who is Rebecca?!"
What shook Gisselle the most was John's reaction to the postcard. "She's just a friend colleague babe you don't need to worry about her". Gisselle had had enough of the paranoia and knew that this time she had to follow her gut. It was all over in an instant. Outraged she slammed the post card on the table in front of him and told John that they were finished. Gisselle packed up all of her belongings and left the apartment without a moments notice.
Days later, Gisselle wanders on social media and notices a picture of John with his new girlfriend. Not only had John already forgotten about Gisselle, but he replaced her with Rebecca who just so happen to be one of Gisselle's younger friends from middle school. Heart broken and in disarray, Gisselle begins to reflect on the situation and realizes that John never actually loved her. That was his secret all along. Gisselle broke off the relationship to gain the upper hand "he's already forgotten about me". But right then and there Gisselle realizes that she too was holding a secret deep inside her. She didn't love John at all. She only loved the idea of being with someone for the rest of her life. Only after it was all gone could she understand that the only one she needs to be happy is herself.
So Gisselle promises herself to never lose sight of who truly loves her. Only she can love herself the way she wants to be loved and she intends to keep that promise and leave John in the dust.
Oh, dear, you had the difficult postcard with the elephant on it. Like, what are you supposed to do with that? While I like how you give us some backstory on this couple, the story starts with "one day." The challenging thing about fiction and writing is knowing what's necessary content and what is extra--do we need the whole backstory of John and Giselle? Is it interesting and compelling enough for us to know? Or can we start with "One day;" the day that something changed? You will also want to think about how you can keep this whole thing in scene. What does their apartment look like? What is on the front of the postcard Gisselle finds? Does Rebecca write with a pink pen and have curlicue handwriting and put hearts to dot her "I's" or does she use a ball point pen that keeps running out of ink? Every detail you give us allows us to invest more fully in the scene, and requires you to think out the place--make it real for yourself, and it will be much more real for your reader. Is there a moment in your life that is like what you've written above? Have you ever been betrayed? Have you ever gotten information that surprised you? If you did, did you react by immediately confronting the person and saying exactly what you meant? Most of the time, as humans, we don't behave the way that we see characters behave on soap operas. We hide the things that hurt us, we carry on, or we find a way to live with the wound because we're afraid. See what happens to your writing if you search to get something real and true and vivid on the page. That's when your writing will come more fully to life.
ReplyDeleteI like how you offered context on the characters john and Gisselle, it made me as a reader more connected to the story by getting attached to each character. I liked this story a lot.
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