Canoe-Lake By Peter Doig
It seemed like years to her, but how long had she been drifting? Drifting from all the ones who led her to believe she was safe? That she'd be protected from the outside world. She lays her head down on the side of the canoe with her hand in the water, staring at her reflection. Staring at a blank canvas as though she can see all the wrong in her past and still be able to get away from it all, still drifting. Without a care in the world for anything but herself, she leaves home. Leaving behind the remnants of her past and all of the values she has grown up to believe. The thought of all the cruelty, the injustices, and all the judgement is almost too much to bear for this woman. But in this moment, she isn't with her family or her friends. In this moment, she is with nature and the perfect tranquility of the river resonates with her, and she lays there still drifting.
The canoe is much more then a form of transportation along the long river. The canoe is the vessel in which this woman can see the reflection of herself. She sees herself in an alternate double life where every day trials and troubles do not exist. A carefree world where no one or no thing can disrupt the continuous flow of peace. With only the cool summer air on her back, she remains drifting.
Is she sad about the way she left or is she unsatisfied with her home along the river? The summer weather makes the river a perfect outlet away from the hot land she calls home. She stares at herself in the river dreaming of a better life for her alter ego. Many questions pass through her pondering mind. Will she ever get away from her past? Will the river be the guide to a new life or will it only be an extension of her anxieties of life, always running from her problems. Or is she simply enjoying the cool summer breeze on her face, just drifting?
The canoe is much more then a form of transportation along the long river. The canoe is the vessel in which this woman can see the reflection of herself. She sees herself in an alternate double life where every day trials and troubles do not exist. A carefree world where no one or no thing can disrupt the continuous flow of peace. With only the cool summer air on her back, she remains drifting.
Is she sad about the way she left or is she unsatisfied with her home along the river? The summer weather makes the river a perfect outlet away from the hot land she calls home. She stares at herself in the river dreaming of a better life for her alter ego. Many questions pass through her pondering mind. Will she ever get away from her past? Will the river be the guide to a new life or will it only be an extension of her anxieties of life, always running from her problems. Or is she simply enjoying the cool summer breeze on her face, just drifting?
Dear Brandon,
ReplyDeleteThis is a gorgeous piece that you chose. The colors and the content hint at an immediate conflict--something is wrong here visually, so we already know that trouble looms. You start out strong here by giving us a sense that something is wrong, and a lot of unanswered questions about what's made the woman leave. The first paragraph is almost all in scene. When in doubt with writing, move on to the next thing that happens and the next and the next. What can happen otherwise is that you will continue to stay in the character's head (as you do here in paragraphs two and three), and so we are taken out of the scene and put into more of an abstract situation. What is next? What can she do? Could she jump in the water, is she thirsty, is she hot from the sun, does she move toward the reeds because she wants to hide? Have your character act and move, so that you can keep us in scene and keep us interested. Side note: please include your word count. This piece is 351 words, about 150 short of the assignment.